I've found that I'm much better at becoming involved. Last night found me laughing hysterically over things that had nothing to do with me, joining conversations instead of forcing thoughts onto people who don't give a fuck, and going dance-dance krazee amidst a backdrop of a paper mache shark, astroturf, a surfboard table, and Blondie. I spilled drinks and apologized and it didn't ruin my night. I made people laugh without forcing myself to be the center of attention. I didn't hide in the bathroom or insist we leave when I had nothing to say. It was probably just the people around me, but I felt slightly less anti-social last night and maybe like I contributed to the party.
The Paramount Theatre, where I saw The Shop Around The Corner (I cried and laughed genuinely), is ridiculously gorgeous and Esp and I got into an Esp and I adventure. We started off in Oakland and made it through Walnut Creek, Berkeley, Oakland again, and Emeryville before finding 80. And we weren't even stoned! (Why is it just 80 but it's the 101?) It's nice to relive the things you really miss when it's not about reliving those adventures but creating new ones.
And then ex-roommate bitchcuntwhore Sarah of all people shows up and, after months of not talking (for lack of availability, not personal reasons) we had a Sarah and I talk. Even though the night was all about the past, I didn't get sentimental or nostalgic -- it was just, getting to know the people around whom I can be whomever I want. I could say stupid things like, "I like to define myself by my hairstyle" and laugh at how stupid that sounds and then have someone agree that, yeah, you sorta can. I could talk about Mom and Aaron relationship issues without people getting judgemental.
At one point, someone said, "Wait, wait, this song is lame. Let's choreograph something!" It was just that sort of night. That doesn't make any sense.
Anyway, my social life has reached its peak for the season and I had so much fun that I didn't have time to think, my hair looks stupid in pigtails and I should keep my mouth shut for the rest of the night and why did I say that?
And I didn't even throw up! Score.
P.S. Dear Target: Why did you take my $200 when you know I didn't really need any of that crap? That's just rude. See you next weekend. Love always, Morgan