Sometimes, when I'm feeling sad and blue, and there's nothing left to check online, I'll check on Suzy's diary to see if there's a new entry [there'snotshe'sdead] or her guestbook to see if anyone's left her good wishes [thelastone'sfromherdadchrist] or to see the messages I left her [it'snotmyfault] and a numb will come over me. The sort of numb like when your foot falls asleep and is just about to wake up but you're not sure if you're feeling something or if that's what nothing feels like; like that, but emotionally.

And then I'll tell Aaron I'm thinking about Suzy and he'll stop whatever he's doing and come and give me a hug and say, "Cheer up, buttercup."

I woke him up today with sex, which I think was very nice of me. It's a nice way to start any day, except sometimes sex makes me incredibly giddy and awake and sometimes I get really logey. Today was more like the latter, and I didn't get out of bed until 3pm, but after that I had a very productive day. We got a little lost on our way to Sam's Club. A note on Sam's Club: when I signed up in Seattle, because it was closer than Costco, they told me that they have Sam's Club all over California, including in San Francisco. Not so! The closest Sam's Club is in Concord, forty minutes away, while the closet Costco is on the Mission, fifteen minutes away. Bugger. In any event, the store is right near a Target, which has neglected to be in the city as well. We spent a good deal of money on necessities, and then headed to Safeway for more necessities, and then home for something with pancetta and chicken and penne. The smells are causing delirious pleasure. I must go partake.

one year ago today: today did not exist for the past few years. thus; no entry.

two years ago today: nothing.

three years ago today: nothing.