the boy and i got into it last night. he went out when i was home in bed, sick and pmsy and tired as all fuck. it didn't help when he took my car to go to a party at ben's. fucker.
so i stay in bed pouting for Days and Days until i finally fall asleep, sniffly and gross, and he wakes me up at 4am because he is locked out, oh poor baby. he starts in on how he had SUCH a horrible night and how he missed me SO much and could i please just look at him, maybe say something? haven't i noticed how he leaves a message on my celly every day? i thought he was just bored at work. and he's worried that i don't know how much he loves me. how he knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that i love him, but he doesn't know how to express it beyond saying, "uh, i love you."
well, he could have not gone out tonight because he knew i was feeling shitty.
fuck, morgan, but derrick needed a ride.
you didn't have to stay out drinking until 4am with my car when i specifically told you that i didn't want you driving drunk, what with my brother just totalling his car and all.
but i wanted to wait until i was sober enough. i was miserable without you there.
so why did you go?
...
and later:
you're everything to me. everything. my mom was right when she said she hadn't seen me smile like this since i was a little boy.
when you left me here all by myself, it was just like the last few years when i would lay in bed miserable and crying and i couldn't call my friends because they wouldn't understand and i couldn't talk to my mom because she would worry and it wouldn't help and that's when i would cut myself.
i never meant to fall in love with you. i fuck up every relationship, and i didn't want to do that to you. but i'm getting better, right?
silence.
and then he starts crying.
so i say: i fall more and more in love with you every day, and then you do shit like this that makes me wonder if it's worth it.
that, apparently, was the worst thing i could ever say.
and then we got into the whole new year's thing.
but eventually, once the fight wore down to a debate and the debate became a discussion and discussion turned into cuddles and nuzzles (it was 6am at this point), i gave him the best blow job of his life, so yay me.