i did lie, something else happened last night. as we're lying in bed and aaron is bitching that i never sleep facing him anymore (it's more comfy spooning, dammit) and then he says, "hey. um..." and i feel like he's gonna say something like, "it's over and you suck" and i actually started to get nervous. but then he says, "i want to apologize for being an alcoholic."
...
yes, i pick the winners.
then he goes into this whole thing about how he can't stop this month because his grandfather died right around this time and the holidays are hard anyway and it's the only thing that makes him happy and blah blah blah; everything i'm sure my dad told my mom. well, no, scratch that, because my dad still doesn't admit that he was ever an alcoholic. the closest he came was when he was talking about his friend, "a REAL alcoholic."
tangent. so i start saying how there's always an excuse to escape reality and beyond that, the "at leasts" in life are never enough. "at least i'm not doing drugs [anymore]." well, i may cut myself every once in a while, but at least i haven't killed myself WOO HOO!
yeah, he got kinda pissy about that. anyway, i told him there will probably come a point when i ask him to choose between me or his fucking alcohol, because i can't have two alcoholics as such a big part of my life.
but, again, at least he's not in denial. at least. gr.
today is a good day, despite bitching.