last night, aaron went out and got shitty while i stayed home with the pup and got stoned.
really, really fucking stoned.
off my ass, giggling for 20 minutes stoned.
i was so going to go to bed early, but i ended up waiting up for the boy. he got back around midnight, regaling tales of drunken stupors and flaming dr peppers. it felt just like when my brother would tell me how FUCKING DRUNK he got last night, OH my god, he had this and this and that and, wait, he had that before this, sorry, he's still kinda shitty.
our fake ids were supposed to have arrived by yesterday, but instead, they're coming wednesday or thursday. i wouldn't have been up for it anyway.
before he took off, we went out to dinner at thai tom. i don't like thai food; i prefer isolated flavors, but he's been dying to try it for days. i sunk further and further into depression and was on the verge of crying throughout the whole meal. i kind of wanted him to go out but mostly wanted him to be able to make me better. we both knew he couldn't, so he left.
i talked to sarah last night, initially saying that i didn't want to talk about myself because i'm way too fucking confused to deal with psyches, and ended up on a 15 minute rant about terror and love and at least i know i can have a semi-normal relationship and that's something.
today, i feel like shit. i'm so tired and so sick and coughing up grossness and headache and backache and vision is blurry and nose is runny and i. am. sick.
last night, falling asleep, aaron apologized so i asked for what and he said for being such an asshole sometimes and for being a burden. so i said that it can be frustrating, but he's not a burden, if he were, he wouldn't be here. i'm a nice person, but i'm also very selfish and i love him so it's ok.
and he loves me soooo much and would i stop being sad please?
sure, baby. anything for you.