work is fun when it's slow and i have nothing to do.
work sucks when it deletes my whole entry right as i'm posting it.
i was having a conversation with a certain matthew (not that one ... nope, not him either ... yeah, him) during which we decided sex fucks things up, so to speak.
uh. so much for that.
i drove him home during my lunch hour and he kissed me? i kissed him? bye bye. then esp called and i told her and she freaked out, and i'm glad she did because it's a big deal to me and maybe i'm not a complete pariah when it comes to these matters.
here is what i wrote today:
//when you say things, simple things, like we'll do that, or when you kiss my ear and whisper, "night," and stroke my fingers as i fall asleep in your arms, itmakes me feel like maybe fucking you wasn't a mistake.
when you said let's take it slow, just relax, i don't think you realized that no one's ever told me that before. i'm not sure if anyone's cared if i had a good time, except for their own selfish purposes.
i don't know what to think when i'm looking into your eyes and youcan't look back, but for some reason, i feel like i can care about you.
you should tell me if i'm wrong.
when your friends are being assholes t omake you look bad, i can't help but grin when i see how you squirm. i think you might underestimate me, but i don't blame you because i underestimate myself.//
wow. i hope he doesn't read this. it'd be pretty stupid of me to be all honest and shit.