pseudo panic attack at 4am last night left me paranoid, dizzy, hyperventilating, smothering myself with my pillow, and rolling around banging my head trying to stop those pesky little thoughts, like:
"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A JOB YET YOU LOSER?!"
as well as:
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THOSE 5+ NINETY-ONE DOLLAR PARKING TICKETS, HMMM??"
and a classic:
"ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS SUCK AND DON'T APPRECIATE YOU AND NO ONE LOVES YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, MUHAHAHA"
methinks my mind is working against me.
so, despite all common sense, i took two melatonin (natural sleep inducer) and fell asleep around 4:30a, waking up every hour or so until 2p when i finally got my ass out of bed. well, out of nest, as i'm sleeping on the floor. here i am, 3:18p, knowing i should be turning in applications and such. not going to happen.
contemplating going to hey mercedes, etc, show tonight at some place called graceland. would have to go by self, as joanna and i have entirely different musical tastes. what was i thinking, moving to seattle with a girl who likes muse, for christs sake, when i am, as pathetic as it is, a getup girl at heart?
i'm talking to katie online and it's soooooooooooo nice, even if it's her talking about her relationship. actually, especially since it's her talking about her relationship. ain't nothin like old times.