my local news is not reporting on the breakup of j-lo and cris. because there must be more going on in this town then something going on
watching road rules marathon, of course. i can relate very much to piggy. she is, plain and simply, bitchy. so she could be true to herself or she could have friends.
i absolutely cannot do the right thing. i feel like i'm not good enough for anyone. i'm always second best. i'm no one's number one. i'm no one's Best Friend. [i always feel like a third wheel with esp and joanna, and the road trip doesn't help matters. my mom has stuart, and she's in a selfish, 'what kids?' phase. my dad has karen, and i don't like him anyway. my brother and i don't really care about each other.] i'm no one's Girlfriend. no one thinks of me first thing when he wakes up. no one thinks of me last before he goes to bed.
maybe i just don't deserve anyone. it could be selfish of me to want to be someone's Most Special Person, but i want someone to be my Most Special Person too. i want someone i think of wheni first wake up. i want someone i think to call first when i'm bored, lonely, happy, sad, whatever.
why can't i just find me a cute little mod boy? or even a hardcore punk boy?
goddammit, why can't they find me?
depressed...must...eat...more...must...sleep...must...smoke...must...cease...existence...
don't worry. i wouldn't want to put up with me either.
my mom said that she's getting sick of my attitude, and so are all my friends. i wanted to tell her that attitude isn't something you can help. attitude is how you are. depressed is how i am.
but don't worry. i'm getting sick of it too.
searching for a sensible solution...finding only drastic measures.