sometimes i think i'm just making this up.
this is what i think when i'm sitting on my chair, my head on my knees, manically pulling my hair upwards.
maybe i'm just trying to be melodramatic. for what? attention? no, i've got that already.
because i can't come up with a reason why this would be fake, i think it's real.
but the thought that i'm doing this to myself on purpose helps a little. at least it's something i control. myself working against myself. something like that.
i keep hearing the door open and it's really scary because that's the last thing i need. am i hallucinating now?