it's really sad how amusing this is to me.
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"DID YOU GET MY THRAX?"
By Ritch Duncan, Adam Felber, Susie Felber, Christian Finnegan, Liam
McEneaney, Adam Spiegelman and Victor Varnado.
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Heightened alert? Heck these days we don't even open our e-mail without
gloves. We've all been exposed to Anthrax (via the news). Now, as a public
service, we present some lesser-known but equally dangerous diseases that
are going around*.
If you're jealous of Marcia, you probably have Janthrax.
When you can't stop using the bathroom it's Branthrax.
If you wax your chest, you are prone to Tranthrax.
FYI: Cartman didn't kill Kenny, he died of Stanthrax.
When a young shop boy treats women with too much respect they often
contract Mamthrax.
Tabloids report Cher is terrified of contracting Gamthrax.
When traces of smores are found it's time to fear Grahamthrax.
Read too many children's bedtime stories and you risk exposure to
SamIAmthrax.
The Little Engine That Could tested positive for IthinkICanthrax.
If you wake up with the bottom half of a goat for a body, you've got
Panthrax.
If your already-bad voice suddenly gets worse, it's most likely Bob
Dylanthrax.
Kevin Smith wouldn't have a career if he hadn't contracted a serious case
of Miramanthrax.
Mathematicians should beware of catching Greater-Thanthrax.
Over 250,000 people lost their jobs this week, due to an outbreak of Allen
Greenspanthrax.
Uninsured folks don't get Cipro, they get Health Planthrax.
If you gained weight on a recent trip to Mexico, it's probably Flanthrax.
After years of struggle, actor George Hamilton has finally succumbed to
Tanthrax.
Rick Rubin created the deadly Def Jamthrax.
If you vomit after eating a case of canned ham it's gotta be Spamthrax.
Orangutans are at risk for Any Which Way You Canthrax.
Eminem has reported symptoms consistent with the dreaded Vicodanthrax.
The Los Angeles Clippers have are in absolutely no danger of contracting
Fanthrax.
Questioning the validity of Altruism and Collectivism quite a bit lately?
It must be Ayn Randthrax.
Leonard Nimoy nearly ruined his career after a severe bout of
IPlayedAVulcanthrax.
Many an IT department must now deal with the threat of LANthrax.
If you're an a#*hole who goes through a lot of sheets you just might have
Ku Klux Klanthrax.
Eat Emeril's grub and suffer the consequences of BAM!thrax.
The loss of two legs and an unwillingness to come to terms with the
Vietnam War may signify Lieutenant Danthrax.
On a lighter note, take heart that Captain Hook is the only person known
to have suffered a fatal case of Peter Panthrax.
*Even if these diseases might not technically exist, we feel it's better
to err on the side of caution.