help?
13 November 2001 at 9:30 am

phantom planet is fun.

in other news, morgan is unhappy with herself. except that's really nothing new. except after the haircutting zen-ness last night, i've decided i really, really need to stop caring so much what people think of me. particularly, i need to stop caring what people whom i enjoy think of me. if you like me, hurrah. if you don't, hi, that's cool too. because sometimes you just don't mesh. christine's comment bothered me at first, because i want her to like me, but then i realized i really can't compromise myself in these relationships. i mean, i can be a little more empathetic and a little less selfish but if i'm having a bad day, i'm having a bad day. i'd rather be true to myself and my feelings than put yours first. that doesn't mean i won't listen to you and that doesn't mean i won't try to help or whatever. but being what i'm feeling right at that moment is pretty much the one thing i have left of myself that i'm proud of.

so there.

but i've been thinking about the other things i do. i smoke too much pot and that needs to stop. i don't exercise enough and that needs to start. i pretend i don't care what people think of me and i need to work on actually not caring instead of focusing in the facade. i need to adjust to each situation as it arises. i need to not live in such a fantasy world. i need to let things be. i need to do the random things i think of and not just wonder what it would be like if i.... i need to stop being so apathetic because it's an excuse for everything. i need to stop making excuses for everything and just accept things as the Are. i need to be happy with what i have (this is the scary one.)

i think that's enough for now. i'm going to work on this for the rest of the year, instead of waiting til i drop out of school like i normally would. and now, i'm going to go work out. because i'm cool like that.

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About me
Hi. Morgan, 27, of Santa Barbara, CA. I am a hypocritical admirer of rhetoric (when it is my own) and an observer of literary trends. A secret: I don't take anything very seriously, and that includes myself.